I lost my poor meatball.

Sometimes when I’m writing I’ll forget to breathe. I can see where you might think this is problematic but it’s really not. Years of swimming have helped maintain some pretty decent lung function. Add that to the amount of times I’ve had to hold my breath just to keep something stupid from slipping out… well lets just say I’m good at holding my breath. I guess I just feel that if I’m writing and I make the slightest sound… My ideas will slip away. If I don’t keep perfectly quiet I’ll scare any decent thought right out of my head. Visually I always imagined it was something like this nursery rhyme my mother used to sing. “On top of spaghetti,/ All covered with cheese,/I lost my poor meatball,/When somebody sneezed./It rolled off the table,/And on to the floor,/And then my poor meatball,/Rolled out of the door….” My ideas have always kind of felt like that meatball. At any given second they’re going to roll right out of my head and out the door. And with my luck they’ll roll into someone else’s yard, and that person will be blessed with a meatball tree… Don’t judge me, thats part of the song.
My head just feels so loud sometimes. Thats why I enjoy writing. I know I must seem like I’m this disoriented mess. Like I’m incapable of choosing a topic. And maybe I am, maybe my external “genius” is this ADHD little heathen that would rather watch an entire season of Doctor Who than write something of actual substance.But I love writing. I’m not great. Nothing special. But I love it, and sometimes that feels like enough.If you love something you shouldn’t have to be good. You want to sing? Who cares if your voice sounds like a fire alarm mating with a chain saw, just sing. Like to paint? I’ve seen some pretty questionable abstract art that would make even stick figures look nice. Want to do a sport? Try you hardest. Really suck at sports? Maybe pick a sport where you only compete with yourself. No one cares if you suck; and so what if they do? In the end the only person who can judge you is you. And for the record I bet you’re pretty awesome.
So heres my advice for the night. Keep a leash on your ideas. They’re so much more important than you think. Love what you do. Apparently meatballs grow into meatball trees… so I’d give that a try if I was you. (Just kidding… Please don’t plant meatballs… They’ll probably send you away.) Don’t make other peoples judgements of you your problem. You are the only one who has the power to judge you. And last but not least, sneeze into your elbow. Not only is it more hygienic than coughing into your hand, but it prevents the lose of meatballs. Have a goodnight everyone.

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